Mrs. Jaime Medbery, School Social Worker
Hi! My name is Jaime Medbery. I am a School Social Worker at Hawthorn Middle School South. I received my Masters in Social Work
from Aurora University in 2003. I have been a School Social Worker for 18 years and have worked in many communities such as Des Plaines, Glenview, Antioch, and Wauconda . I am so excited to be joining this community and the MSS Family. Everyone here has been so warm and welcoming. I would like to be warm and welcoming to you and your children as well. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have concerns or questions about your child. I know that coming back to school can be quite a transition especially if your child is a new student. I want you to know that I am here to support you and your child with whatever services and/or help that you need. I am trained in anger management, conflict resolution, friendship skills and bullying. I am a strong advocate for children who are being bullied and I started a Bullying Task Force in my previous school district. To conclude I also want to share that I was in all the plays and musicals in high school and college. I hope to use my talents in that area to direct the students in a play or a talent show in the coming years. I look forward to meeting you and I wish you and your child a safe, happy and healthy school year! Below you will find helpful information for you and your child:
Counseling at MSS is supportive and educational. It is not therapy, however, and does not replace outside private counseling if that is needed.
Parent Permission is required for individual and group counseling and may be rescinded by the parents at any time. While there is not the time to routinely call parents, they will always be contacted if a significant issue arises at school.
INDIVIDUAL COUNSELING is time limited (6-8 weeks) and given on an as needed basis.
FRIENDSHIP/SOCIAL SKILLS GROUPS
Students are referred for counseling by parents, teachers, and administrators.
Common issues addressed in the groups are:
• Adjustment to school, for young and new students
• Goal setting
• Making and keeping friends
• Responsibility and Respect
• Dealing with peer conflict/conflict resolution
• Classroom/recess behavior
• Improving social communication skills and understanding social pragmatics
• Stress/changes in the family/coping skills
• Improving motivation and self-esteem
• Separation anxiety
• Anger management
CONSULTATION WITH PARENTS
Parents are encouraged to call at any time with questions, concerns and information. Many problems can be quickly solved with early intervention. It is also very important for parents to inform the principal, teacher or myself if there is a problem at home, such as illness, the loss of a loved one, or other stressful event. We are able to be especially supportive of a student during such time periods if notified.
Periodically, a student will not want to come to school, or will ask to go to the school nurse more frequently than needed. These may be symptoms of separation anxiety or some problem at school. The sooner teachers,
staff and parents are able to discuss these issues; the sooner we can help the child.
If you suspect that your child is being bullied, please contact us immediately. We will work with you and your child to stop the bullying.
Please be aware that what appears to be bullying is sometimes a peer conflict in which both students are being hurtful to each other.
Every year I help students navigate topics such as:
• Assertiveness/Self-advocacy
• Bullying and Respect
• Coping Skills
• Empathy
DIVORCE
• Discuss their feelings about the divorce or separation
• Get support from and give support to each other
• Find positive ways to adjust to the changes in their families
• Realize they are not alone in having this type of experience
BULLYING
If your child complains about being bullied: Compliment your child on sharing this with you. Be empathetic but not too emotional. Too much emotion may discourage your child from sharing, or it may lead to frequent complaining, and exaggeration, to get additional attention.
Explain that being bullied is not his/her fault and he/she doesn't have to face bullies alone .
Ask the specifics and what he/she has already tried to solve the problem. Take notes.
Help your child brainstorm for additional solutions.
During the brainstorming, remain neutral. Do not judge the ideas. This will shut down your child’s creative problem solving. In most cases your child will eliminate the poor ideas by the end of your discussion.
Give additional ideas only after your child has no more.
Present your ideas in question form. Instead of, “I think you should,” ask “Do you think it would help if you tried...?” or “What would happen if you...?”
Help your child pick the most appropriate solutions.
Use role-play to help your child build confidence.
Using the steps above makes a very difficult problem into an important learning opportunity for your child. This helps promote self-confidence, improved self-esteem, assertiveness and problem solving skills.
IS MY CHILD BEING BULLIED?
Please be aware that what appears to be bullying is very often peer conflict, in which both students are being hurtful to each other. This system does not encourage the child to play the victim role to get more attention.
DO
• Keep notes describing the problems and listing your child's solutions.
• Give your child suggestions until he has thought of as many as he can.
• Notify the school immediately (if you know for sure it's not just a peer conflict)
• Make a plan with school staff.
DON'T
*Confront the bully or the parents.
*Tell your child to use physical force.
EXCLUSION IS BULLYING
This is an all too common statement at school. How can you help your child deal with this sort of problem?
Explain that excluding others is an extremely hurtful form of bullying.
When asked by a friend to exclude another student, your child simply says:
“I want to be friends with everyone.”
If the friend continues to pressure, your child repeats, “I want to be friends with everyone.”
There is no need to argue or fight. That will just make matters worse. It is not necessary or possible to try to get the friends to like each other.
If the friend says, “Then I’m not your friend anymore,” your child responds with, “I’ll miss you” or "I hope you change your mind".
Explain that threatening or pressuring others is also bullying.
Brainstorm possible solutions with your child. Once your child has exhausted her ideas, additional ideas formed as questions. "What would happen if...." Would it help if...."
See idea below:
Children have every right to play with special friends at home. But to keep from hurting others at school, we want students to be friendly, respectful and inclusive. Sometimes two students just can’t get along. They still must be respectful and they must not pressure their friends to exclude the other child.
We also ask that you or your child let us know if this kind of bullying is occurring.
This type of pressure becomes more intense in the higher grades. Your child may also be threatened with exclusion from a group if he/she refuses to smoke, use alcohol or drugs, skip class, cheat, steal, etc.
Learning to stand up to peer pressure, in a positive, confident way, is a critically important skill for children.
HOW IS LACK OF SLEEP AFFECTING MY CHILD?
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/sleep-behavior-problems-children/
SEPARATION ANXIETY
“I DON’T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL... I HAVE A STOMACH ACHE...I HAVE A HEAD ACHE..."
Though separation anxiety is frequent in young children, the crying when you take them to school or the bus can be very upsetting. Parents generally do a lot of talking, reassuring and questioning about school when there is a separation problem. While this certainly seems like the right thing to do, it often makes the problem worse.
Think about taking a band aide off your child. You don’t talk about it very much before or after it’s off. You don’t take it off slowly because that hurts even more. You take it off very quickly and it is over and done with.
We need to use the same method with separation. Be warm, but matter of fact. Tell your child when and where you will say goodbye.“I’ll stay with you until the bus comes, then I have to get to the store.” “I’ll stay with you in line until the first bell rings, then I’ll give you a quick hug and kiss and go.” And leave when you say you’re going to leave. Dragging it out makes it more difficult for the child, not less. We don’t like to see our
children sad and upset, but learning how to handle separation is necessary for their growth and well being.
Talking too much about school and showing our own anxiety will raise the child’s anxiety level. “If Mom and Dad talk about this so much with me, it must really be bad.”
Also, children love extra attention, and if they know they will get a lot of extra time with you when they cry and complain... they’re going to cry and complain.
We want to be warm but keep our responses to the child short and simple, moving on to something else quickly. Child: “I don’t want to go to school.” Parent: “I know sweetie.” Now would you please help me ________.” Child: “I feel sick.” Parent: “That’s too bad, honey. Sit down and rest, while I finish the lunches.” The stomach and head aches are almost always from nervousness and crying. Most children stop crying and are happily into the school routine minutes after their parent leaves.
If your child was too upset to eat breakfast, send him with an extra snack and a note explaining this to the teacher.
OTHER PARENTS HAVE TRIED...
One parent went through 7 days with her first grade son crying, pleading and complaining. She talked, hugged, reassured, asked what he what was bothering him; but nothing worked. One morning, when her son was crying at breakfast, she said in a sympathetic voice, “I’m sorry you’re so upset, but I can’t eat my breakfast when you’re crying, so I’ll eat it in the dining room.” Her son stopped crying immediately and settled down at school soon after.
When her young daughter refused to dress in the morning, her mother tried everything, even giving up and letting her stay home. Then she told her daughter that she would have to go to school in her pajamas if she didn't dress. The next time the child would not get dress, her mother simply put her in the car in her pajamas and brought the school clothes. The mom wisely refrained from yelling or nagging. Her daughter wept, but changed into her clothes on the way to school and never gave her mother another problem in the morning.
Some parents have found that their children will separate more easily from one parent than the other. That parent may take the child to school or the bus until things settle down.
HOW WAS SCHOOL? DID YOU CRY?
It’s natural to ask your child how school was when they get home. But if there is a problem with separation, this might just open the door for more crying and complaining. Be warm when your child comes home, but don’t ask about school directly. Let your child bring it up when he’s ready. Then stress only the positives. “So you really enjoyed art class? Tell me more about what you did.”
ABSENT REAL ILLNESS, DON’T LET YOUR CHILD STAY HOME
Bring her late; carry her into the building if necessary. Allowing your child to stay home causes many additional problems. Those first days of school are very important. These are the days that extra time is spent learning routines and expectations. This is the time when children begin to bond with their teachers and classmates. Children who miss these first days feel very out of sync with their class.
TALK WITH THE STAFF!
The principal, teachers and counselor are always ready to help. We have dealt with separation anxiety for years and can provide extra support for your child as long as it is needed. Feel free to call later in the morning to see how your child is doing. By the way, children often find separation more difficult in first grade than they did in kindergarten.
If the problem persists, ask yourself, “How much of this is due to my own difficulty separating from my child?” After all, it’s not easy for Mom and Dad to let go either.
(P.S. You may have some regression after an illness or long vacation. Just follow the same warm, but short-and-sweet system.)
Hi! My name is Jaime Medbery. I am a School Social Worker at Hawthorn Middle School South. I received my Masters in Social Work
from Aurora University in 2003. I have been a School Social Worker for 18 years and have worked in many communities such as Des Plaines, Glenview, Antioch, and Wauconda . I am so excited to be joining this community and the MSS Family. Everyone here has been so warm and welcoming. I would like to be warm and welcoming to you and your children as well. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have concerns or questions about your child. I know that coming back to school can be quite a transition especially if your child is a new student. I want you to know that I am here to support you and your child with whatever services and/or help that you need. I am trained in anger management, conflict resolution, friendship skills and bullying. I am a strong advocate for children who are being bullied and I started a Bullying Task Force in my previous school district. To conclude I also want to share that I was in all the plays and musicals in high school and college. I hope to use my talents in that area to direct the students in a play or a talent show in the coming years. I look forward to meeting you and I wish you and your child a safe, happy and healthy school year! Below you will find helpful information for you and your child:
Counseling at MSS is supportive and educational. It is not therapy, however, and does not replace outside private counseling if that is needed.
Parent Permission is required for individual and group counseling and may be rescinded by the parents at any time. While there is not the time to routinely call parents, they will always be contacted if a significant issue arises at school.
INDIVIDUAL COUNSELING is time limited (6-8 weeks) and given on an as needed basis.
FRIENDSHIP/SOCIAL SKILLS GROUPS
Students are referred for counseling by parents, teachers, and administrators.
Common issues addressed in the groups are:
• Adjustment to school, for young and new students
• Goal setting
• Making and keeping friends
• Responsibility and Respect
• Dealing with peer conflict/conflict resolution
• Classroom/recess behavior
• Improving social communication skills and understanding social pragmatics
• Stress/changes in the family/coping skills
• Improving motivation and self-esteem
• Separation anxiety
• Anger management
CONSULTATION WITH PARENTS
Parents are encouraged to call at any time with questions, concerns and information. Many problems can be quickly solved with early intervention. It is also very important for parents to inform the principal, teacher or myself if there is a problem at home, such as illness, the loss of a loved one, or other stressful event. We are able to be especially supportive of a student during such time periods if notified.
Periodically, a student will not want to come to school, or will ask to go to the school nurse more frequently than needed. These may be symptoms of separation anxiety or some problem at school. The sooner teachers,
staff and parents are able to discuss these issues; the sooner we can help the child.
If you suspect that your child is being bullied, please contact us immediately. We will work with you and your child to stop the bullying.
Please be aware that what appears to be bullying is sometimes a peer conflict in which both students are being hurtful to each other.
Every year I help students navigate topics such as:
• Assertiveness/Self-advocacy
• Bullying and Respect
• Coping Skills
• Empathy
DIVORCE
• Discuss their feelings about the divorce or separation
• Get support from and give support to each other
• Find positive ways to adjust to the changes in their families
• Realize they are not alone in having this type of experience
BULLYING
If your child complains about being bullied: Compliment your child on sharing this with you. Be empathetic but not too emotional. Too much emotion may discourage your child from sharing, or it may lead to frequent complaining, and exaggeration, to get additional attention.
Explain that being bullied is not his/her fault and he/she doesn't have to face bullies alone .
Ask the specifics and what he/she has already tried to solve the problem. Take notes.
Help your child brainstorm for additional solutions.
During the brainstorming, remain neutral. Do not judge the ideas. This will shut down your child’s creative problem solving. In most cases your child will eliminate the poor ideas by the end of your discussion.
Give additional ideas only after your child has no more.
Present your ideas in question form. Instead of, “I think you should,” ask “Do you think it would help if you tried...?” or “What would happen if you...?”
Help your child pick the most appropriate solutions.
Use role-play to help your child build confidence.
Using the steps above makes a very difficult problem into an important learning opportunity for your child. This helps promote self-confidence, improved self-esteem, assertiveness and problem solving skills.
IS MY CHILD BEING BULLIED?
Please be aware that what appears to be bullying is very often peer conflict, in which both students are being hurtful to each other. This system does not encourage the child to play the victim role to get more attention.
DO
• Keep notes describing the problems and listing your child's solutions.
• Give your child suggestions until he has thought of as many as he can.
• Notify the school immediately (if you know for sure it's not just a peer conflict)
• Make a plan with school staff.
DON'T
*Confront the bully or the parents.
*Tell your child to use physical force.
EXCLUSION IS BULLYING
This is an all too common statement at school. How can you help your child deal with this sort of problem?
Explain that excluding others is an extremely hurtful form of bullying.
When asked by a friend to exclude another student, your child simply says:
“I want to be friends with everyone.”
If the friend continues to pressure, your child repeats, “I want to be friends with everyone.”
There is no need to argue or fight. That will just make matters worse. It is not necessary or possible to try to get the friends to like each other.
If the friend says, “Then I’m not your friend anymore,” your child responds with, “I’ll miss you” or "I hope you change your mind".
Explain that threatening or pressuring others is also bullying.
Brainstorm possible solutions with your child. Once your child has exhausted her ideas, additional ideas formed as questions. "What would happen if...." Would it help if...."
See idea below:
Children have every right to play with special friends at home. But to keep from hurting others at school, we want students to be friendly, respectful and inclusive. Sometimes two students just can’t get along. They still must be respectful and they must not pressure their friends to exclude the other child.
We also ask that you or your child let us know if this kind of bullying is occurring.
This type of pressure becomes more intense in the higher grades. Your child may also be threatened with exclusion from a group if he/she refuses to smoke, use alcohol or drugs, skip class, cheat, steal, etc.
Learning to stand up to peer pressure, in a positive, confident way, is a critically important skill for children.
HOW IS LACK OF SLEEP AFFECTING MY CHILD?
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/sleep-behavior-problems-children/
SEPARATION ANXIETY
“I DON’T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL... I HAVE A STOMACH ACHE...I HAVE A HEAD ACHE..."
Though separation anxiety is frequent in young children, the crying when you take them to school or the bus can be very upsetting. Parents generally do a lot of talking, reassuring and questioning about school when there is a separation problem. While this certainly seems like the right thing to do, it often makes the problem worse.
Think about taking a band aide off your child. You don’t talk about it very much before or after it’s off. You don’t take it off slowly because that hurts even more. You take it off very quickly and it is over and done with.
We need to use the same method with separation. Be warm, but matter of fact. Tell your child when and where you will say goodbye.“I’ll stay with you until the bus comes, then I have to get to the store.” “I’ll stay with you in line until the first bell rings, then I’ll give you a quick hug and kiss and go.” And leave when you say you’re going to leave. Dragging it out makes it more difficult for the child, not less. We don’t like to see our
children sad and upset, but learning how to handle separation is necessary for their growth and well being.
Talking too much about school and showing our own anxiety will raise the child’s anxiety level. “If Mom and Dad talk about this so much with me, it must really be bad.”
Also, children love extra attention, and if they know they will get a lot of extra time with you when they cry and complain... they’re going to cry and complain.
We want to be warm but keep our responses to the child short and simple, moving on to something else quickly. Child: “I don’t want to go to school.” Parent: “I know sweetie.” Now would you please help me ________.” Child: “I feel sick.” Parent: “That’s too bad, honey. Sit down and rest, while I finish the lunches.” The stomach and head aches are almost always from nervousness and crying. Most children stop crying and are happily into the school routine minutes after their parent leaves.
If your child was too upset to eat breakfast, send him with an extra snack and a note explaining this to the teacher.
OTHER PARENTS HAVE TRIED...
One parent went through 7 days with her first grade son crying, pleading and complaining. She talked, hugged, reassured, asked what he what was bothering him; but nothing worked. One morning, when her son was crying at breakfast, she said in a sympathetic voice, “I’m sorry you’re so upset, but I can’t eat my breakfast when you’re crying, so I’ll eat it in the dining room.” Her son stopped crying immediately and settled down at school soon after.
When her young daughter refused to dress in the morning, her mother tried everything, even giving up and letting her stay home. Then she told her daughter that she would have to go to school in her pajamas if she didn't dress. The next time the child would not get dress, her mother simply put her in the car in her pajamas and brought the school clothes. The mom wisely refrained from yelling or nagging. Her daughter wept, but changed into her clothes on the way to school and never gave her mother another problem in the morning.
Some parents have found that their children will separate more easily from one parent than the other. That parent may take the child to school or the bus until things settle down.
HOW WAS SCHOOL? DID YOU CRY?
It’s natural to ask your child how school was when they get home. But if there is a problem with separation, this might just open the door for more crying and complaining. Be warm when your child comes home, but don’t ask about school directly. Let your child bring it up when he’s ready. Then stress only the positives. “So you really enjoyed art class? Tell me more about what you did.”
ABSENT REAL ILLNESS, DON’T LET YOUR CHILD STAY HOME
Bring her late; carry her into the building if necessary. Allowing your child to stay home causes many additional problems. Those first days of school are very important. These are the days that extra time is spent learning routines and expectations. This is the time when children begin to bond with their teachers and classmates. Children who miss these first days feel very out of sync with their class.
TALK WITH THE STAFF!
The principal, teachers and counselor are always ready to help. We have dealt with separation anxiety for years and can provide extra support for your child as long as it is needed. Feel free to call later in the morning to see how your child is doing. By the way, children often find separation more difficult in first grade than they did in kindergarten.
If the problem persists, ask yourself, “How much of this is due to my own difficulty separating from my child?” After all, it’s not easy for Mom and Dad to let go either.
(P.S. You may have some regression after an illness or long vacation. Just follow the same warm, but short-and-sweet system.)